Halloween: a primer

 

Photo by Igor Omilaev on Unsplash

My nonextensive data tells me that in 2018 we had 23 trick-or-treaters; in 2019 we had 9; and this year we had 25, establishing a new record. It was 55 degrees and partly cloudy, and Halloween fell on a Tuesday.

The datum that I have not yet recorded, but may start, is how many kids actually said Trick or treat—and thank you.

Distressingly low, I assure you.

It’s not that hard, people. 

1. You approach with your candy bag. 

2. You say “Trick or treat.” You do not say “Happy Halloween.” You do not, for any reason, stand silently holding out your bag. 

3. Once the candy is deposited, you say “Thank you.” 

Advanced moves include adding a “Happy Halloween!”, “Hi,” or “Bye.” These expressions must not take the place of the foundational “Trick or treat” and “Thank you.”

Might I suggest that any child incapable of remembering steps 1-3 above is not capable of trick-or-treating without the loving guidance of an invested adult.

And perhaps any adult incapable of guiding their child through this sequence should practice before next Halloween.

Thank you to the parents who did coach their trick-or-treaters through this script last week; and to the parents who have clearly trained their children in the past, thereby enabling their children to go forth independently and gather candy while restoring some measure of hope for the future in the hearts of homeowners like me.