Dear Congress,
Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness in sanctioning daylight savings time. Clearly this was invented by a mother of young children, as it makes my life so much better. When I explained to my three-year-old this morning that the practice is good for the economy, she immediately saw the value in rising while it's pitch dark for no apparent reason.
My home was full of cheer when the children learned that they now get to go to bed an hour earlier. And breakfast this morning was sunshine and rainbows (only metaphorically, of course) when my haggard, scowling, tearful offspring gathered at the table. What a treasured opportunity to explain that it's good for us to reset the clock arbitrarily instead of basing time on the heavenly bodies. God probably put the sun there for us to ignore, anyway.
So, on behalf of my family and millions of others, as well as the extra suicide, traffic fatality, and heart attack victims associated with this semiannual assault on our circadian rhythms, thank you.
Signed,
A Grateful Citizen
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