Day 4: Sadness

This post is part of a 31-day series.

"It is better to go to a house of mourning

Than to a house of feasting,

Because that is the end of every man,

And the living takes it to heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter,

For when a face is sad a heart may be happy.

The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning,

While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.

It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man

Than for one to listen to the song of fools.

For as the crackling of thorn bushes under a pot,

So is the laughter of the fool;

And this too is futility."

Ecclesiastes 7:2-6

Sorrow isn't very popular.  It won't get you invited to many dinner parties.  

In fact, the world chases pleasure in every form, and uses it to squelch any impulse to contemplate our inevitable end.

To the world, then, the soberly morose is a pariah.  Mourning the world's--or one's own--brokenness is a jarring interruption of foolishly merry feasting.  It is "the rebuke of a wise man."

Now I'm not suggesting you wear a long face and a doomsday placard to your niece's princess birthday party.  There is a season, after all, for laughter and dancing.  

But there is an equally legitimate season for weeping and mourning.  

"A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance."

Ecclesiastes 3:4

May it not be that some people are called to carry more of the world's sorrow, while others are more gifted at seasonally appropriate dancing?  We must be reminded of joy, and we must be reminded of sobriety.  We ought to thank God for each other's proclivities, while helping balance each other in wisdom.  

God Himself welcomes the communication of all our emotions.

"Is anyone among you suffering?  Then he must pray.  Is anyone cheerful?  He is to sing praises."

James 5:13

Are you uninterested in listening to a song?  

Do you lack enjoyment in a "house of feasting"?

Do you lack energy even for laughter?


Would you rather hide than visit in a pleasant house?


The Bible does not condemn you.  In fact, you may exemplify what the Bible calls "better wisdom."  


Jesus invites you to retreat to a metaphorical or literal prayer closet, with your appropriate or disproportionate sorrow, the weight of sadness on your chest, your tension headache, the painful knot in your stomach, your dizzying anxiety, your snappish temper--and rest in Him.  


Sadness isn't a sin.  Unbelief is a sin.


To that end, don't let your natural depression convince you that laughing feasters are always wrong.  Withdraw to your prayer closet, but don't neglect to come out again and maintain connection with the saints--fasters and feasters alike.  


Next:  Hopeless

Day 3: The Medication Question

This post is part of a 31-day series.



Are depression and anxiety spiritual or physical?


Yes.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Psalm 139:14

For those in the throes of bewildering anxiety, perhaps it especially resonates that we are "fearfully" made.  Sometimes our own moods are frightening.

Who fully understands all the serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol, and endorphins firing around our synapses, combined with an eternal soul, unique genetic makeup, individual life history, and transcendent spirit?


Ed Welsh is an author and counselor with the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation.  On the question of antidepressants, he warns, "If there's something that can give us a little bit of hope, you can see how it's so easy for us to dive in and say, 'They are our answers,' and Jesus becomes smaller and smaller and less relevant."

He continues to say that the challenge for believers, then, is, "How can Christ still be the One we turn to as the hope in the midst of our suffering?"


Agreed.  We must look past the pill to the One whose good providence provides it and makes it (perhaps) efficacious.


As for the answer to the question, however, I also agree with Dr. Welsh that medication is more a matter of wisdom than morality, and "compassion says:  if we can alleviate suffering, we alleviate suffering."


For the full 4 1/2-minute video, click here.


Next:  Sadness

Day 2: Causes

This post is part of a 31-day series.



Depression and anxiety come in many shapes and sizes.


Sometimes depression and anxiety have a “duh” cause, like not enough sleep.  Don't underestimate the stabilizing power of sleep!  Or maybe a junk food diet; your body simply doesn't have the good fuel it needs to keep up energy and clear thinking.  Physical inactivity makes your body go into a slow slump, which translates straight to your brain.  Maybe a brisk walk in the sunshine would do a wonder for you.


Those of us as introverted as I hate to admit it, but social isolation easily causes depression.  We are necessarily social beings (some of us more or less than others, but still).


Being unproductive, either purposely (as on a long vacation), or unwillingly (as in unsuccessful work, or debilitating injury) is easily depressing and/or anxiety-producing.  Similarly, looking like a slob, either willingly or unwillingly, can trigger a low mood.  Any form of being "stuck in a rut" can make us depressed, even if the rut is comfortable.  Doing something completely and utterly different than usual may snap you right out of it.


Sometimes anxiety is caused by wanting to do everything.  God may be calling you to step back from something(s)--even if you feel silly because everyone and their sister can handle twice as much as what you have on your plate.


Maybe there is a purely physical problem causing your low or anxious mood:  a vitamin deficiency, a thyroid problem, a medication side effect, alcohol use, or Lyme disease!

On top of all that, experiencing anxiety for any reason, day after day, unchanging and never-ending, can easily get depressing.  And depression that goes on and on without explanation or improvement can easily produce anxiety.


If you want to position yourself to have the best chance at fighting mood disorders, you need to take care of yourself with good food, exercise, good sleep, and social support.


Some people find that performing service for others heals their own depression.


Some find that just accomplishing something small improves their mood.


Some people write it out, say, in a journal; or create something; or work in a garden (I read somewhere that some enzyme or whatnot in garden dirt is good for your brain chemistry).


I also read once that looking at the sky has been scientifically shown to lift your mood.  Bending your neck up and back opens up your airway and stretches your back muscles; focusing your eyes on something far away relieves myopic tension; and of course the natural beauty and vastness of the sky is inspiring, and may put your life in better perspective.

Some people are able to control their moods well enough to just purposefully reframe their negative thoughts in a positive way ("Tomorrow will be a better day," "everything will turn out all right"), or simply find a [healthy] way to distract themselves from their worries for a while.


My hope is that struggling souls don't dismiss these "simple fixes."  There are profound relationships between the natural, the bodily, and the spirit.


Tomorrow we will face the rather obvious question that arises when the above is not enough.  Despair not!  Far be it from me to spend 31 days talking about the diet of champions and making more friends.

Next:  The Medication Question

Day 1: 31 Days of Pursuing Joy When Anxiety and Depression are Pursuing You

Welcome to 31 Days!

This month, Life Under the Lintel is linking up with bunches of other bloggers for the 31 Day Challenge.  Each blogger writes about one topic of their choice, every day, for the month of October.

Though I'm in no way a professional, depression and generalized anxiety have been personally familiar topics for years.  As a disclaimer, I am currently taking extremely helpful medication, without which I was unable to even think through these issues clearly.  I do not, however, believe that medication is the only and complete solution to mood problems.

"Moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor--it is the gift of God...Furthermore, as for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, He has also empowered him to eat from them and to receive his reward and rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God."

Ecclesiastes 3:13, 5:19

Enjoying life is the gift of God.  Sometimes He gives that gift naturally.  Sometimes He gives it through pharmaceuticals.  Sometimes He gives it through a gradual change of heart.  

Sometimes He withholds it.

There are some who would tell the anxious soul to "just relax."  They would tell the clinically depressed to "cheer up."  

But the God who has power to gift or withhold enjoyment does not scoff at your struggle.  

"Though He scoffs at the scoffers,

Yet He gives grace to the afflicted."

Proverbs 3:34

He offers grace instead.


This month, we will touch on questions such as:  What causes depression?  Isn't anxiety a sin?  Should all Christians feel joy?  How can I stop being afraid?  Is God disappointed in my moods?  Why do I struggle this way?  What can I do about it?  

This series is an attempt to tease out some of the tangled mess of physiology, sin, personality, brokenness, and unbelief that depression and anxiety are. 


Join me, and let's explore together God's grace for the struggling heart.


Next:  Causes


All posts in this series:

Day 1: 31 Days of Pursuing Joy When Anxiety and Depression are Pursuing You

Day 2: Causes

Day 3: The Medication Question

Day 4: Sadness

Day 5: Hopeless

Day 6: Can't Think

Day 7: Can't Stop Thinking

Day 8: Guilt

Day 9: Dread

Day 10: Fear of Humiliation

Day 11: Fear of What Might Be

Day 12: The Jitters

Day 13: The Fear Transfer

Day 14: Slumber

Day 15:  Romans 8


Day 16: The Valley

Day 17:  Nowhere

Day 18: When It Cripples You

Day 19:  Thorns

Day 20:  Mellow Out

Day 21:  Blessing by Withholding the Blessing

Day 22:  Love Your Struggling Neighbor

Day 23:  Better Good News

Day 24:  Whose Idea Was Joy?

Day 25:  Joy in Sorrow

Day 26:  Joy That Defies the Gestapo

Day 27:  Sow to the Spirit

Day 28:  Preach

Day 29:  Truth

Day 30:  Saying Thank You When You're Not Thankful

Day 31:  Grace for the Struggling

Checking in

It's been over two weeks since I've posted.  So what have I been up to?  [besides soap operas and bon-bons, naturally]

Well, perhaps best of all, I started running, again.  

By running, of course, I mean very slow jogging.  But, I've been jogging very slow for 20 minutes at a stretch, for two full weeks, and still getting through the rest of the day.  And I'm only sleeping a mere 8-9 hours.  It gives me that feeling of euphoria you get when you've had the flu for two weeks and you finally get better.

So, only 5 months later, my body and our bank account are both within sight of full recovery.  I have full sensation in my fingers.  I'm sleeping with my arm under my pillow again, although my left shoulder is still a little stiff.  My cheeks are still a little sore to the touch; my jaw is a little weak (it gets shaky if I spend several hours talking); and my salivary glands still sting (embarrassingly weird to say that out loud, but my family has gotten used to me flinching at the start of every meal).

We're six weeks into school and it's going great.

Ada between subjects; Caleb brushing up on bats.

Today we took a field trip to a dairy farm.

We got to pet baby calves and see the milking process up close.  The free samples of chocolate milk at the end were a big hit.

Other than that, I've been working on a writing project to be revealed later this week.


Health is such a wonderful thing!

Insignificant greatness and staggering good

This blog is a place for me to celebrate and dwell upon beauty.

It's also a place to reframe the difficult things:  to remind myself of God's promises and His goodness in my life; to adjust my perspective.

Can you spot the kid that's not mine?

The addition of a friend last Friday doubled the size of our pre-K class!

A homemaker ought to cultivate order and beauty in the home, for the sake of a smooth-running home and enjoyment of good things.

That's Jeddy on a skateboard clinging to the side of the motorized tractor as Ada floors it straight toward the garage and Lizzy rides in the bed.  Jeddy is wearing a helmet because, safety first.

As with all valid pursuits, the unholy trinity of the world, the fallen flesh, and the devil conspire to corrupt and twist homemaking until we are enslaved by the pursuit of worthless goals.


Enter the wars of Pinterest one-upmanship and deep insecurity.


The corruption is complete when the homemaker is demoralized and miserable, enslaved by fear of inadequacy, and defeated by piles of dirty dishes and a mountain of laundry.  Joy has been entirely stolen.

When the infant church was scattered by the outbreak of persecution from Jerusalem, the deacon Philip went to Samaria.

Now there was a man named Simon, who formerly was practicing magic in the city and astonishing the people of Samaria, claiming to be someone great; and they all, from smallest to greatest, were giving attention to him...because he had for a long time astonished them with his magic arts.  But when they believed Philip preaching the good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were being baptized, men and women alike.  Even Simon himself believed; and after being baptized, he continued on with Philip, and...he was constantly amazed.

-Acts 8:9-13

We've moved on from worms to millipedes.  These clever subjects found the rotting fruit immediately.

The story of Simon helps us understand the war for the homemaker's heart.  Like Simon, we all want "to be someone great."  We want the people to be "astonished" at what we can accomplish.


My laundry is always done.  My dishes never even get dirty.  My children's faces are clean and you could eat off my floor.  Furthermore, I've taught my 5-year-old Latin, Greek, physics, and tai chi.  I'm featured every other month in Southern Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and Shape magazines.  And I grow my own quinoa.  


Astonishing!  You're amazing!  How do you do it?!


That's what our faithless hearts long to hear.


Tell me I'm great and I amaze you, and I will know that I'm good enough.

Captured a rare moment of Caleb neatly lining up his crayons rather than throwing things.

Thankfully, the people of Samaria experienced an astonishment transfer.  In the end Simon himself was "constantly amazed," not by the greatness of Philip...but by the goodness of his news.


Simon...claiming to be someone great...they...were...astonished.


They believed...the good news about...Jesus Christ...he was...amazed.

When I long to be someone great, the level of order in my house, the demonstrable brilliance of my children, and the quality of my dinners define my success.  I'm proud.


But if the place is a mess, the kids are intractable, and I forgot to thaw the meat, then I'm not at all great, and my faithless heart drowns in guilt and defeat.


Thank God there's something more amazing than my mad skillz at domesticity.  It's the goodness of Jesus to me, a sinner.


I, who yell at my kids when they tarnish my greatness.


I, who think I can impress God with my competence.


I, who would rather pay just a little bit of my own way than accept that Jesus must, and did, pay it all.


I, who would blaspheme God if Instagram would worship me.

Date night in:  highly recommended.  A bed sheet (in need of ironing) standing in for a white tablecloth, microwave dinners artfully transferred to real plates, candles and a bottle of wine--atmosphere for a fraction of restaurant prices!

We...were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.  But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved).

-Ephesians 2:3-5

Such good news for sinners.  Amazing!  Astonishing!  The very God I've offended is the One who saves me.  Such goodness makes all human greatness irrelevant.


When I believe this, I can delight in a beautiful home as a reflection of my good God.  And in the mess, I can rest in knowing His goodness to me doesn't change.


I am freed from pursuing pathetically inferior greatness, because my heart is lit up with astonishment at the true wonder.

Week 2

I'm finding this week that if I sleep 8 hours at night, I collapse in exhaustion midday, but if I sleep 9 to 10 hours, I make it through the day feeling good.  

So:  sorry, world, but Mindy and her invaluable contributions will be unavailable for longer than the socially-accepted nightly norm.  

I feel much better since I stopped fighting for what I "should" be able to do and accepted reality.

Though we had to raid Grandma's flower garden to find any worms, since our flower bed apparently doesn't sustain life, we did come home with two good ones in the end.  We used them for [gentle] experiments all week, despite Jeddy's worm advocacy.  You're going to hurt them!  The poor worms!  They need to rest!

Below, we're waiting to see if the worm prefers the cool side of the pan (which is resting on an ice pack) or the warm side (resting on a heating pad).  (You're freezing him!  What if he burns?!)

Jeddy's fears did, unfortunately, come true when I found our best worm deceased over the weekend.  Perhaps Experiment #4 did him in.  Perhaps it was the baking soda we mixed in to some of his soil.  Perhaps it was the sand we gave him.  Perhaps our dirt wasn't sufficiently nutritious.


Or maybe he was just plumb wore out, as Jeddy had warned.  Score one for PETA.

We took a field trip to the zoo.

Large venomous snake.

The kids enjoyed feeding the animals in the petting zoo.  I thought it was all right--the goats weren't terribly slobbery.  But I got bitten by that emu thing in the background (a "rhea").

Lizzy was ok with the miniature goats, but she didn't like the big animals.  Below, she's nervously backing away from the middle-size black and white goat, and is just about to notice the huge llama leaning over her shoulder.  I did not manage to capture on camera the screaming and flying bucket and raining food pellets that happened a split second after this shot.

Caleb fed the goats one pellet at a time.

Back in the classroom, Lizzy can't get enough of pre-K.  Here she works out a math problem with counting bears (also a couple of cubes to pad the numbers).

My favorite thing on library day:

Also I had a birthday.  And I have a dear, thoughtful friend who surprised me with a card and an adorable cake.


...featuring an engorged tick on top.  Who is happy because he just filled up on my blood and gave me Lyme disease.

Be it known that ticks actually have 8 legs, not 6.  They are arachnids.  The greatness of this cake lies in its timely humor and deliciousness, not its biological correctness.

As she said, "Now you can bite him!"  And I did, and it was so good.