Friday, October 9, 2015

Day 9: Dread

This post is part of a 31-day series.

Anxiety typically rears its ugly head first thing in the morning.  Like the smell of bad coffee, your waking moment is accompanied by dread.

Although unpleasant, I don't believe there's necessarily anything morally wrong with this.  Over and over the Bible exhorts us to be courageous--when we are facing down man-eating lions, yes, but also when we're just afraid to put our feet on the floor in the morning.  God expects us to have fears to face.

I've pondered long on the precise nature of this morning dread.  What exactly are we afraid of?  I can't answer that question for you, but for me, I think it's the fear of not being able to handle what may arise.  It's like on some level I've never gotten past the terror-stricken brand-new-mom-leaving-the-hospital feeling.  What do I do with the baby?  When do I feed him?  How do I know if he's sick?  What do I do if the baby cries???

I don't think I'm going to drop my kids now, or let them starve, but I'm still afraid of doing something wrong.

Am I disciplining them enough?  Too much?  In the right ways?  Am I teaching them what they need to know?  Are they picking up lifelong psychological problems from me?  Do they know that we love them?  Will they look at me and see Jesus as attractive, or see my hypocrisy and reject faith?  Am I approachable when they have problems?

The takeaway lesson here is that we desperately need not only forgiveness (see Day 8), but guidance from our heavenly Father.  And in order to give us the sweetest of all gifts, intimacy with Himself, He usually directs us just a bit at a time.  We're forced to walk by faith, not by sight.

Thus, we are desperate every day for Him.

And if a lump of dread is what it takes to drive us to Him, then welcome that dread, and thank God for it.

Next:  Fear of Humiliation

Other 31-day series!

Journey Through My Unplanned Pregnancy

Embracing Blindness

What You Should Know Before an Affair

Aging Gracefully

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